With two title fights headlining UFC 111 the evening of March 27, casual combat sports fans will run in droves to their local watering hole. Maybe you are one of these stoked guys or gals. You haven’t gone out to watch the fights for a few months because, let’s face it, they’ve had a bunch of nobodies headlining the cards. But now you’re set to get liquored up and party with your boys to the tune of good old fashion meaty destruction. For you I’ve compiled the following list of Do’s and Don’ts for impressing your MMA wrecking crew.
DO: Express the most interest in the early fights. If the guys in the second fight of the night don’t look too old say “Oh this is the one I’ve been looking forward to!” Everybody knows the main event guys. Only those in the know know the upcoming prospects that nobody knows including you.
DONT: Say you’ve been into MMA since UFC 1. Don’t regale people with stories of renting VHS copies of early UFC events. No one cares, Sweetie.
DO: Mention another MMA promotion besides the UFC. This may require a little research.
DON’T: Go so far as to say that Strikeforce has a better product than the UFC. Just… no.
DO: Two words: lateral movement. They sound technical. Use them when one guy is dodging a lot of punches. Ex “He’s has great lateral movement!”
DON’T: Two Words: Athletic, Explosive. Do not, whatever you do, utter Roganisms.
DO: Slow your roll. Don’t be so excited. Jordan Breen and Luke Thomas are the knowingest and they are just so over it already.
DO: The above rule can be broken when the action hits the mat. Show some excitement when a fighter secures a submission. Arm bar! Neat!
DO: Figure out a way to mention that you listen to MMA radio and/or podcasts. You don’t, of course, but you’ve been meaning to. There are a billion MMA radio shows so you can just make up the name, say, Bone-Crunching Blood-Splashing Talk Radio. No one will know the difference.
Remember these simple rules and you will be sure to impress your beer-swiling homies. And maybe even that cute girl sitting all alone at the bar. Doesn’t she look lonely? I bet she’d love it if you shared your insights.